It is so incredibly difficult writing this post, but I want the world, or whoever comes across my blog, to learn about the man who made a great impact in my life. On July 7, 2015 exactly a month ago, Grandpa, also known as Agapito Austria or Lolo Peping, passed away. He was one of the most influential, intelligent, and loving people that helped shaped me into the woman that I am slowly learning to love.
Now before I continue, you should know that we weren't blood related, but that's besides the point because he treated me as if I was one of his very own grandchildren. (Lucky grandchild #23). Being that it is just my mother & I, I always loved having him & his family around. Up until now, I still love being around the Austrias & that's never going to change.
This bond began almost 20 years ago when I moved into a neighborhood just two doors down from a family who would help my mother raise me. Since before the first grade, I was put into their care while my mother was at work. He would pick us from school while Grandma, Lola Cion, made snacks ready for us to eat once we got home. (My favorite was the ramen!) Of course when I was younger, I was scared of him because of his serious demeanor, but he taught me the importance of discipline and that's why I'm Miss Goody two shoes. I always made sure to be on my best behavior when he was around because I didn't want to disappoint him. Over the years, he's never failed to include my mother & I at their family gatherings so we've had several family dinners together. Whenever they were cooking, ordering pizza, or having take out, he made sure to call us over. Nothing made us feel more loved than the simple gestures made by him and his family. And I guess it's those moments that make this even more difficult in its entirety.
I've always known him as one of the strongest, most generous, most helpful people EVER. At over 80 years old, he was still so capable. His light shined as bright as any young individual and I've witnessed that light through the work he's put into helping others. Being that I spent a great deal of time at their house, I've seen an abundance of people go to him for help, no matter the problem or situation & that's definitely one of the qualities I admire most about him. It's his love for helping others. He was so selfless & I only wish to be just as.
We've shared plenty of wonderful memories. But our bond over the Lakers was so real. We'd watch games at their house with the entire family and order pizza and chicken wings. When we were at home & the Lakers did something ridiculous, you can count on a phone call from Grandpa. It's funny because you could always tell that he was smiling behind the phone & you couldn't help but smile back because basketball made him happy.
Like one of his grandchildren mentioned during our final goodbyes, he wasn't the type to say "I love you," but he didn't need to because you knew he did. You felt it. My mom & I definitely knew how much we meant to him. He always made sure we were safe at home and would even call me when our porch light wasn't on to make sure that we were okay. As I got older, in the more recent years, I noticed a change. I wasn't visiting as often because "life" was happening. But whenever I did, I received the hugest of hugs & the biggest of smiles & no one quite understands how incredibly grateful that made me. I would even come home to my mom & tell her about it because I wasn't used to it. Especially how him & Grandma would tell me that they loved me before I left to walk home. Just the thought of it melts my heart. Not to mention that whenever they had visitors, they would introduce me as their "apo" which is tagalog for grandchild. You bet I got teary eyed whenever I would hear those words come out of their mouths. I always felt that I somehow made them proud, but I have both him & grandma to thank because without them, I wouldn't be the crazy, obnoxious, yet (insert positive qualities here) Lucia that I am today.
Despite everything I've learned and witnessed about life from Grandma & Grandpa, no one has taught me more about true love like they have. Just writing these words bring me to tears because I can't bear to imagine how Grandma feels right now. Their romance is something not even the movies can duplicate because it was 100% genuine. Their relationship is something I strive to achieve someday in my life. Even though divorce rates have skyrocketed, they give me the hope of finding someone who will bring me happiness like they've shared for over 60 years. They sought magic together & there is nothing more that I want. Is that bad? My favorite memories of them was walking into their home only to find them sitting across from each other at the dining table while Grandma worked on her crossword puzzles & Grandpa just watching her. He did EVERYTHING for her. He always put her before himself. He made sure she had everything she needed, that she had it as easy as possible. He made sure she was happy, that she was healthy. Every favor he asked from me was only to benefit her, like taking her to buy clothes or to get her nails done, her hair done, to buy her the food she wanted. "Erica, ask Grandma what she wants to eat." He asked me to do that so many times. And one of the last things he told me before he went, was to go with Grandma to get her hair done because she was letting herself go. She was always beside him at home after he came back from the hospital. She would lay down beside him & ask if there was anything he needed. She would massage his legs when he couldn't get up from bed. So when he asked me for that favor, I needed to take a breather because despite his condition, despite his deteriorating health, he was still thinking about HER. It was always about her & I admire that about him, about them so much. He knew how to love her & I'm just so lucky to have witnessed it for almost my entire life. When I was young, I didn't realize the importance of marriage, but they showed me why people want to commit to one another. They were each other's halves & I know today people claim that you don't need anyone else to be complete, but I'm starting to think that's a lie. They completed each other. They were inseparable & to hear Grandma talk about him now that he's gone is one of the most heartbreaking things. It makes it so difficult to visit her almost everyday because everyone understands what she's going through. We might not feel the same pain as she does, but we understand the difficulty. He never wanted to be the one to go first, not to be selfish, but because he worried about her. He didn't want to put her through this pain, but he has nothing to worry about because her entire family, including myself, will be beside her for as long as she needs us. And I'm sure that's what Grandpa would want.
Writing this was so heavy on my heart. I actually started this post a few weeks ago, but never managed to finish it until now. I'm ashamed to say that when I found out he was in the hospital while I was in Paris, I didn't think it was a big deal because it happened frequently & I always knew him to be the strong person that he was who always seemed to pull through. But when I flew back, I was able to visit him in the hospital & he was happy to see me. He asked me about my trip, but I couldn't give him the details because seeing him like that scared me. I was scared to imagine a life where I couldn't run over to his house to find him sitting at the dining room table. I was scared for his family & I was scared for my mom because he was like a father to her. No one is ever prepared. Just thinking back to the day I was in my living room with Hazel, then hearing the sirens and hoping to God it wasn't stopping at Grandpa's house... Suddenly running over there & seeing him, listening to the paramedics, knowing that his mind ran strong, but his body ran weak. I felt drained & flustered & I didn't know how to feel or react. I felt like a terrible person. I'm not one to share my emotions with anyone, but the world deserves to know my love for this man. This man, my grandpa, means the galaxy to me & it's difficult to accept his departure, but I know that he will still live in my heart for as long as I live. I'll always carry him with me in every important decision I make as I continue in my pursuit of magic. He has made me realize that I can't do life without the people I love & that the only way to be successful is to be passionate about what you want to accomplish. He has opened my eyes to accept the faults that have graced my little heart & to move on gracefully. He has engraved in my mind that I am someone important, that I am who I am because of who I surround myself with. That I am someone who is generous & loving to those around me. He has reassured me that I am a good daughter, a good person. That's all one could ever ask for, to be recognized for your positive qualities & for that I want to thank him.
Rest in peace Grandpa <3
Be mindful of those around you. If they mean something to you, make sure they know.
& DON'T STOP REMINDING THEM.
I've made that mistake before & I regret it, but you live & you learn.
I love you guys, you know who you are,
Lucia
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